If you listen carefully, you can very faintly hear two distinct sounds; the long and drawn-out defrosting of Mariah Carey ahead of the word we all mustn’t mention yet, and Fantasy Premier League managers frantically tinkering with their teams ahead of the ever-looming deadline on Friday. 

While we’ve all had a substantial part of the summer to organise our teams and take stock of the season ahead, many of us, myself included, have still not settled on a team. Part of that is down to the solid job FPL Towers have done in pricing players this year. However, the primary reason is that we’re all addicted to this game like a wasp is to a freshly poured Fruit Cider an can’t pick up our phones without making at least three transfers. If you’re not one of these people, I salute you. And also beg you to help all of us be like you. 

With the season starting on Friday, I thought I’d pen my thoughts on the current state of play with my team, my deliberations still, and why in my infinite wisdom I’m not picking Semenyo ever again. Okay, I may not explain that last one but if you owned him for a very specific part of last season like I did, you’ll know why the Vietnam-style flashbacks mean I won’t be touching him with a ten-foot bargepole.

Goalkeepers

I feel like I’ve swapped out my goalkeepers more frequently than my defenders if I’m honest. Traditionally, I’ve tended to start the season with two £4.5m goalkeepers, primarily because I’m a sadomasochist and like looking at benched clean sheets while I’m sitting there with a zero-pointer on my pitch.

While I’ve been severely tempted to pick Sels as my set and forget, I want a Forest defender and don’t want the double-up. So, it’s looking like Verbruggen and Petrovic for me, as they rotate fairly well (for the most part).

Defenders

When pre-season started and the game launched, my eyes widened. ‘Maybe this year is the year Big at the Back can be viable?’ I said to myself. Oh, the follies of youth.

As we get closer to the deadline, and the more expensive players shed clean sheets like a mother with an incontinent baby, I’m increasingly tempted to cut my expenditure here significantly. To put it into context, I’ve gone from having Van Dijk, Cucurella and Williams, to just Cucurella. I have replaced Williams with Murillo though (he’s a favourite of mine).

While Ait-Nouri could be a hugely promising pick for the community, there is just too much risk associated with that Manchester City defence right now. I’m not confident they will keep too many clean sheets, especially with Rodri out of action for a while, and his minutes aren’t assured enough for me to pick him.

Likewise with the Liverpool full-backs. With the signings they have made, I expect them to be more open to counter attacks and an ageing Van Dijk just isn’t capable of reaching the incredible defensive heights he once did (he’s still a great defender, so don’t come at me Liverpool fans). I’m also not confident Kerkez and Frimpong will both start the majority of matches. It’s a long season, and both Robertson and Bradley are solid replacements for Slot to choose from.

Arsenal’s defence, while strong, are up against a tough fixture list to start with and I don’t know if you want to have someone like Gabriel just for the Leeds game when there are initially better choices in other teams.

The rest of my defence are two £4.5m players, and Ekdal from Burnley. I don’t want Esteve as he’s so highly owned that he’ll likely drop in price to £3.9m if Burnley don’t keep clean sheets (which I don’t expect them to).

My two £4.5m defenders are the only two I think I’m left to lock in. Having said that, I think Van de Ven is fairly nailed for me, so then it’s just deciding between Richards and Dorgu. I hate owning Manchester United defenders, but that Burnley game in Gameweek Four is tempting. One for the final day decisions I suspect.

Midfielders

While I understand the temptation to avoid Salah, especially after his poor showing against Crystal Palace in the Community Shield, it’s too much of a risk (even for me). I actually think the inclusion of Wirtz and Frimpong will help him move further inside and he was taking up some promising positions in that match. Also, if he does start the season badly, you can downgrade from him to literally anyone else (and even use him as a makeweight for Haaland in Gameweek Six.

Palmer’s come back into my team, and most others, like a long-lost son has returned to the family home after years of being away and previous misdemeanours forgotten about. While it’s very easy to remember his horrendous second half to last season, he’s showed glimpses of his former self in recent matches, so the hope is he links well with Chelsea’s one thousand new wingers and strikers.

The rest of the midfield is pretty much a shambles. It changes more times than a Big Show heel/face turn (if you know, you know). Saka’s currently in there, but it’s hard to decide between him and Gyokeres for Arsenal cover. I’ll probably pick Saka given his assured starts but boy is it tempting to pick the Swede so that I can post irritating emojis and gifs every time he scores.

I was burned by Wirtz during the last Euros Fantasy, when he did very little for me, so it’s perhaps mental scarring that prevents me from bringing him in. I also do wonder if the weight of his transfer fee will weigh heavy on his shoulders if he doesn’t get any assists or goals in the first few? He has looked sharp, don’t get me wrong, but he’s such a popular pick in Twitter circles that I’m not picking him almost purely out of spite. I await that to bite me on the proverbial.

Reijnders has appeared way ahead of the winter, even beating the aforementioned Mariah, and at £5.5m, he could be an absolute steal if he gets starts – which Pep seemed to suggest he would. I certainly like him more than the content creator’s favourite of Anderson. I understand the appeal but I can’t bring myself to bring him in personally.

The rest of the Manchester City midfield, while they interest me, are just too shrouded in mystery right now. I’d love to punt for someone like Cherki at £6.5m, but I can’t guarantee he’ll start. Foden could be an option at £8m but will he just be a replica of himself from last season?

I understand the online clamouring for Kudus given his price and Tottenham’s early fixtures but there’s something about him that puts me off. He seemed patchy last season, albeit for an out-of-form West Ham side, and the potential signing of Savinho does add some question marks around his playing time.

Paqueta at £6m has teased me, especially with him playing as the 10 behind Bowen and Fullkrug. Unfortunately, because there are cheaper options equally likely to grab occasional decent hauls, sadly I don’t think I can fit him in.

The rest of the cheap midfielders are hard to separate. Dewsbury-Hall could be a gem at £5m but if the Toffees sign Grealish, you have to wonder if he’s going to miss out to compensate for McNeil, Grealish and Ndiaye. Likewise, Le Fee and Xhaka could be great shouts for the same price but bear in mind, they do play for a promoted side so they’re maybe ones to watch.

I do, however, like the potential of Josh King at Fulham (no, not that former English striker ;-)). At £4.5m, he could be an absolute bargain if he continues playing like he has been in pre-season.

Forwards

Boy oh boy, have I struggled with the forwards this year. When the prices were revealed, I said very early that I didn’t like many of them and could see more value in the midfield.

Since then, I’ve had a front three of Gyokeres, Haaland and Joao Pedro (not currently I might add, I haven’t hacked the game). It’s so hard to know what to do because I normally have a good vibe over who’s going to perform well and who won’t, when it comes to the strikers.

Haaland is obviously Haaland and if I don’t own him for Gameweek One, I’ll most likely own him by Gameweek Six when he plays Burnley at home. I fully expect Gyokeres to have a brilliant season and I really want to own him for Leeds in Gameweek Two but can’t guarantee his minutes, especially with Havertz looking sharp in pre-season and Saka being more nailed in addition to the extra point for a goal and potential clean sheet points.

Watkins, who’s in my current lineup especially given Rogers is a doubt, is on such good form in pre-season and cannot be ignored.

Ekitike looked dangerous in the Community Shield and scored a lovely goal, but his minutes will surely be under threat if the Isak move does go through.

Bowen is a wonderful player, and someone who helped me get one of my best ranks several seasons ago, but his positional change in FPL and price of £8m puts him out of reach for me, sadly.

While Joao Pedro will be a popular pick, and I totally get why, I don’t want him and Palmer and in all honesty, not owning Palmer scares me more than not owning Joao Pedro.

That leaves the £7m strikers and under, and here’s where it gets tricky. There aren’t that many I like. Evanilson was a favourite of mine (I didn’t own him much but did praise him on here – I should have taken my own advice) but I do wonder how they will fare with half their starting 11 having left for pastures new.

Strand Larsen was a solid pick last season but I think he remains a wait and see. Welbeck has decent fixtures but his age and fitness makes me hesitant to pick him unfortunately.

That leaves me with Fullkrug and Thiago as potential options. I like the West Ham man, and he’s currently in my team and there is a hope that he can continue the form of pre-season. With Wilson waiting in the wings though, will he keep playing if results don’t go West Ham’s way?

Thiago I don’t really know a lot about but people seem to think he’ll be on penalties which increases his appeal. I do fear that Brentford will try to be a very defensive team under Andrews though (please tell me if I’m wrong if any Brentford fans are reading this) so I’m not sure whether the bees will be buzzing this season.

Piroe at £5.5m could be an option as I don’t mind Leeds fixtures after the Arsenal game but they could bring someone else in before the transfer window closes so that puts me off a little.

Guiu at £4.5m is tempting if the rumours about Chelsea’s clause in his loan deal turn out to be true. But I also fear he’ll quickly drop to £4.4m if he doesn’t get game time.

Closing thoughts

So there you have it. Just four days to go until the deadline and I’m still as confused as ever. I hoped penning all my thoughts would help clear my mind and show me the way forward, but alas not. However, I’ll at least take solace if you enjoyed reading this ramble! If you did get this far, make sure to reply to my Twitter or Bluesky post with the phase ‘Purple Monkey Dishwasher’. (Again, if you know, you’ll know).